I saw this saying mid-break down last night scribbled on the top of my cell bio notes. I always write down inspirational sayings in case I ever need to get myself going.
And boy did I need this last night.
I had a long and tiring day, and I checked my grades and saw ANOTHER failed exam. I have taken 5 exams this semester and I have failed every single one of them. By failing I mean I got less than 61% on each of them.
I felt disappointed in myself, I was failing at the one of the most important things in my life. I can’t even describe the feeling but all I wanted to do was get into bed and cry myself to sleep.
I wanted to just give up and live in my bed forever, I felt that way until 2 am when I drifted off to sleep.
The one thing I love about myself is that I never stay sad or upset for too long. And I woke up this morning with a new sense of urgency. I LOVE my classes, I enjoy all the topics that I am learning about.
Truthfully I am a bit overwhelmed, taking 3 hardcore science classes as well as 2 electives is no joke. But, I need a game plan and I need to talk to my advisor for guidance.
Yes, I do feel uncomfortable talking to my advisor about not doing well, because I want to be the type of person that is successful in everything that I do.
But I need someone to bounce ideas off of. And if I want to change the tone of the semester I need to change NOW and not wait till later when it will be too late.
Of course I wanted to run to food for comfort- it is hard to maintain healthy eating habits while being in college. But I am trying, I have been doing so well with staying aware of what I have been eating. And if I do eat something past 9 pm it is in the form of tea or a granola bar.
It does make me feel good knowing that I am making a valiant effort to living a healthy life.
I am successful and have been at so many other things in my life and I have to keep reminding myself of those things.
I wrote this on Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 10:46pm
I have to admit being alive is pretty freaking sweet. In fact I love it. I can’t wait to see what each day brings and what encounters I will have to face. Starting my 2nd semester at college I have never had two identical or boring days. The main reason I wanted to go to college was to meet really interesting people who basically love life and are always at a natural high. With the pressures of schoolwork and trying to find my social and religious values I have lost sight of my big picture. One of the most important things one can do in a lifetime is give back. For being able to live in this beautiful world we should give back to ensure that others can get the same experience that we all take for granted. For most of us, myself included, we grumble and complain at the thought of exams and classes. College is a chance for everyone to excel in a field and gain acceptance into the working world. Being able to learn and educate our selves is not something everyone in the world is privileged to. In fact the majority of the world has not stepped into a classroom. Let alone has clean water to drink. Even if I closed my eyes and tried really hard I don’t see myself being able to live life with any of the luxuries, I am soo lucky to be blessed with. To be born into a life like this is a dream to many people, as boring as going to school and studying seem at times, I am living someone’s dream.
I know how I feel when I have not eaten in a few hours and my stomach starts to make angry noises when it misses the contents that it was made to carry. With every human being given a stomach, shouldn’t we also be given the means to fill them up as well? Every year during Ramadan (the month of fasting) I fast for a day knowing that at the end of the day I will have a feast waiting for me. There are millions of people that starve every day that don’t have feast waiting for them. They literally have no idea where their next meal is going to come from.
I wish I had more time, more money, and more life to give to others that don’t get to experience what I get to do everyday. I am writing this as a personal reminder to myself to remember and appreciate what I am doing. And even when the world around me is falling apart, I want to smile and remember that I get to live a life that many people only dream of.
I don’t ever want to forget the bigger picture that I am working towards and that is the only thing that will make me happy.
Yikes, what a long post! I hope everyone is having a lovely hump-day ❤